when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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