my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
