I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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