when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
