Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Panties = found
Randomize
