She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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