fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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