I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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