Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
