just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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