fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
