i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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