bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
