Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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