Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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