Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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