And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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