Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize