That's intense
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
