just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
