Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
