Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
