i don't plan on having that self control this summer
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
