this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
