first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
