i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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