I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
