I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
my being single is dangerous.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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