First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
