i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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