I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
