Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Alive.
So much puke
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
