I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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