You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
