My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
