Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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