Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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