i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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