i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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