OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
