Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
