I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
