gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
