I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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