so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
