he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
