look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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