dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's shark week go big or go home
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
