And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
