My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
