She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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