Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
