You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
