do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
