1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
