you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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