Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
