that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
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