guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
