i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
