She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
