If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
