I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
