So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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