Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
