girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just pee around me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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