dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
