I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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