You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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