I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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