his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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