And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
