I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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