I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
