wrigley field is MILF paradise
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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