dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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