Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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