You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
