Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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