I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
